Return to Midnight Margaritas

Sunday, September 5, 2010

"An evening gown that reveals a woman's ankles when she is walking is the most disgusting thing I've ever seen." - Valentino

Thursday, October 15, 2009

". . .put diamonds on the crotch and you're home free" - Bob Mackie

Sunday, August 16, 2009

"Barbie's perpetually doing the Walk of Shame... she has no underpants and only one shoe."  - boobarella

Saturday, June 20, 2009

Pre-Drive Texting about Tom-Tom voices:

"The voice is Mandy. Dave sounded like a smug bastard" - Wingal

"I want to hear Dave b/c he might be good if we are men bashing." - boobarella

"There's also a voice named Dick... er, Richard." - Wingal

"Dick! Yes!" - boobarella

"He's very computery." - Wingal

"Blah, I want Ricardo Montalban." - boobarella

"That might cause lots of accidents for, um, distracted female drivers." - Wingal

"Can you imagine: 'my darling, take a left in about, say, 300 feet." - boobarella

**drives off road** - Wingal

"'My darling, you seemed to have changed routes, let me recalculate for you while you regain your composure.'" - boobarella

"Boobarella... Do you have to pee?" - improvised Tom-Tom voice

"Ooo, Perkins... they have Mammoth Muffins." - Wingal

"So do I." - boobarella

"I've got sugar between my thighs!" - Wingal

"Am I gonna let you lean over me, put your tits in my face, and move it? NO!" - boobarella to Wingal

"I love how there are crackers and wrappers all over the floor." - boobarella

"Crackers and Rappers?" - Wingal

"Hey, I can swallow it... it's not a taste issue, it's a texture issue." - Wingal (on pasta)

"I paid for my whore... I flew her in, I put her up, I'm gonna feed her ass... she is MINE." - Wingal re: boobarella

"He's a tool. He's an awl. You know... one of those tools everyone has but nobody knows what it's for?" - boobarella

"Then we can turn her on and take her back to the motel." - re: Mandy the Tom-Tom voice

"You know you want to belong to the Church of Fried Chicken." - Wingal

"Yes... because the offering comes in Crispy or Original Recipe." - boobarella

"I'm just a tubby white girl from Upstate New York with no rhythm and who can apparently kill Mothra." - boobarella

"That should be on your resume." - Wingal

"If I get on-campus housing, you are NOT peeing in the woods... you're gonna use indoor plumbing and you're gonna like it." - Wingal

Friday, June 19, 2009

"I mostly am enjoying thinking about how we would raise OUR daughter... and how we and she would have to explain the unusual nature of our mommyhood" – Wingal

"I would go with you if I could. paps + boobarella = AWESOME." – boobarella

Jenny: "How do I say, 'Oh, are you having a barbecue?' but make it sound like, 'Oh, are you having a barbecue?'?"

Wingal: "Jenny, I'm afraid I need to inform you that Pepto Bismol does not actually sponsor an educational facility, for men OR women..."

Jenny: "All my friends have kids with weird-ass names." Wingal: "I want to give my kid a weird-ass name." Jenny: "What would you name your kid?" Wingal: "Weird Ass Name." Jenny: "W. A. N.? Wan? Like he's Chinese?" Wingal: "Chinese?" Jenny: "Well, or a Jedi."

"It's like I've opened up my Pandora's box of sexy!" – Wingal

"I've got on my new 34F and, much like McDonald's, I'm lovin' it." – Wingal

"Remind me later, I have a twenty in my left tit." – boobarella

Chef: "What were you rolling in?" Wingal: "Gasoline." boobarella: "She thought it would get the smell of our unholy love off of her."

"Seriously, I would stroke out if that were my bikini line." – boobarella

"Everybody's trying to get into my lap." – boobarella

"This is a quadrangle of a cluserfuck" – Kris

boobarella: "Yeah, I dropped blueberry yogurt down my shirt this morning." Wingal: "Ooo, so now they're TASTY!"

Wingal: "You are my hero." boobarella: "Your naked hero."

"Yeah, not that the topic normally comes up in conversation, like 'oh hey did I tell you, I'm really into anal these days'. "- boobarella

"I have a candle that smells like a guy I dated, but I can't remember who. . . line them up & let me sniff." – boobarella

"I think Kevin's made brownies with me before." - boobarella "Who hasn't made brownies with you? It's like a euphemism!" - Wingal

[Re: boobarella's ego] "But you put up with mine... because you know that mine, in the middle, is soft and broken." – boobarella

"You are not retarded in any position" - boobarella to Wingal

"You're just a funny, twitchy little guy." Raphael's new friend Andy about Raphael

[A hypothesized Star Wars conversation:] "'Why did you go to the Dark Side?' 'Because they give better hand-jobs.'" – boobarella

"Steak and Shake? That's the only kind of counseling I can afford!!" - boobarella

"I'm like the boy who cried 'Wolf!,' except I'm crying, 'boobarella's CRAZY!' and no one will believe me!" – Wingal

"Red sky at night, sailors delight. Red Dawn in the morning, poor box office returns in the late afternoon...wait, that's not how it goes is it?" – boobarella

"You can smack my ass and call me 'Smeagol'." - A suggested line form the imagined job letter of Dr. Uberchildren

"Is there going to be making out? Call me in the middle of it... let me know how it's going." – Jenny

"I know some chicks may like that shit, but it really just makes me feel like I woke up in a Rodgers and Hammerstein musical and it's my cue to sing." - Wingal (re: compliments)

"Dude, if I had a midget I don't know if I would be online right now...." – boobarella

"I enjoy that we're sitting here giving each other wood." - boobarella to Wingal (re: Facebook farming)

boobarella: "I wonder if I would have a big penin?" Wingal: "Considering the Girls, I'd say you would challenge the mighty Walrus."

Garth: "You have a mustermuck and a clustermuck. A mustermuck is when everyone musters together and then mucks around." Kim: "What's a clustermuck?" Garth: "It's a...well, I guess it's a different technique."

"It’s not that you’re unacceptable, it’s that we’re embarrassed by you." - Wingal to boobarella

"On that note, I'm going to go back to watching Will Wheaton torture a couple." – Wingal

"By all means, make getting me laid your quest... just don't make it your facebook status." – Wingal

"Finally! I can start my drag review!" – Ryan

boobarella: "You can be the girl in the bikini." Wingal: "Does that make you Jesus?"

"Lord knows I have some weird taste--[content removed by the FCC]--but I've never thought of Christmas music as 'sexy'." –boobarella

"If you don't mind me asking, is that going to be enough for 4 days? - Dustin @ Bully Hill

"I'm wearing my khakis and my white shirt but my head is going crazy! There's black, there's red, there's green. There's naked ladies everywhere." – Raphael

"That means I would have to prostitute myself to avoid buying you shoes!" -Wingal, to Jenny

"If you had a boyfriend, you would say, 'Screw you! I'm going out with my friends!' If I had a boyfriend, I would say, 'Screw you, THEN I'm going out with my friends!'" – Jenny

"Wingal the Happy Virgin Princess - it's like Pokemon except there's no poke." – Jenny

"And there's no mon, either." – Wingal

"Can I say 'mamasita!!!' when I am excited?" - Raphael

"Have a potato, have a beer, do a little dance, do a little cheer." – Wingal

"Jesus would be yakking." - Tyler, on the general state of things

". . .then you push the pee-pees out!" – boobarella

"I love how every four years I become an expert in gymnastics." - Wingal